REALITIES
Are You a Victim–or Perpetrator–of Love Bombing?
Does something feel off about the person you’re seeing? Maybe things are a little too intense. Perhaps things even feel too good to be true. It can be tempting to brush that suspicion off as nothing, but it’s not. Chances are, your partner is love bombing you.
Going with its textbook definition, being love bombed is when you receive excessive affection, admiration, and attention. For some–especially those who have always received very little of those–that excess may not seem so bad.
However, love bombing is almost never harmless. It is a serious emotional abuse tactic that some people even fall into the habit of doing to others without realizing it. If you want to know whether you’re being love bombed or not (or if you want to make sure you aren’t love bombing anyone), be on the lookout for these:
When Someone Tries to Know Too Much About You Too Soon
Let’s start with what your new partner is trying to learn about you. Healthy relationships involve people gradually learning about one another bit by bit. Love bombers, on the other hand, try to speed up the process. This intense need to get to know their partner can be overwhelming and uncomfortable.
The love bomber may also try to info dump on their partner as much as they can. All of this excessive learning and relaying of info is meant to gather/force intel from/to the other person, as a means of gaining greater control and power in the relationship down the line.
When Someone Goes Overboard With Grand Gestures or Words
Everybody wants to be on the receiving end of other people’s effort. That can be flattering, and love bombers know it. Their excessive effort in providing acts of affection, compliments, and gift-giving may seem wonderful at first, but there is a more insidious reason behind them.
In doing so much for their partner, love bombers gain a level of entitlement over the other person. They want their partner to feel indebted to them. Should they fail to receive what they feel they are entitled to (reciprocated gestures, dependency, physical intimacy, etc.), then they can weaponize their own efforts into abuse.
When Someone Consistently Disrespects Boundaries
Love bombers tend to do everything in their power to gain control over their partners. Oftentimes, this means crossing boundaries that should never be crossed in the first place. Their penchant for this can even come in the form of excessive clinginess and jealousy.
They will want to know where their partner is as much as possible. They may show disapproval over the other people in their partner’s lives. Part of this excessive possessiveness is also the strong need for assurance. If they don’t get it, love bombers often lash out and devalue the person they claim to love deeply.
Any of these acts may not seem like much at a glance. However, as the saying goes: too much of a good thing is a bad thing, and that includes excessive acts of affection that we now know as love bombing. Remember: it’s all fun and games until somebody feels entitled enough to hold those acts against the other.
If this sounds like your partner–or even you, yourself–then it may be worth reconsidering your relationship as it presently stands.
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