The Downsides of Being Too Available in a Relationship

Don’t be too available.

A lot of people tend to give this advice to those who are in a relationship. At first, I didn’t understand its value, until I heard the reason behind it.

According to science, we love the thrill of the chase because of the dopamine-driven feedback loop.

It’s inherent to value something more when uncertainty is at its highest because of a drug-like chemical in our brain that triggers the feeling of happiness.

This means that the more someone becomes unavailable, the more we want to chase after them. When they are too available, on the other hand, there is not much thrill and we are not as enticed to win them over.

This is what you don’t want to happen in your relationship.

You see, having your partner lose interest in you is simply a portion of the problem. When you become too available, the following can also happen in your relationship:

1. You will look needy.

Before anything else, there’s a difference between being available and being too available.

You need to provide intimacy, respect, and understanding to sustain a healthy relationship. However, this should not come to a point where your time is always dedicated to your partner.

You need to give time for yourself and other important things in your life such as your relationship with your family and friends, as well as your hobbies and interests.

Remember, you want to look like an understanding partner, not someone who needs constant reassurance.

2. You will look like you have little respect for yourself.

When someone becomes too accustomed to you being too available, they might end up having little respect for you, as you are giving the impression that you also have little respect for yourself.

This kind of incident can happen in the form of physical or emotional abuse.

Most people who are too needy have one thing in common — they tend to forget about their boundaries because they always want to please their partners.

Now, I’m not saying that your partner will specifically do this. However, it’s best to prevent it from happening rather than having to suffer the consequences.

3. You will be taken for granted.

Loving too much comes at a cost. This will give your partner the upper hand in your relationship.

They will get used to your attention, which will lead to them thinking that you’ll always be there no matter what they say or do.

This is one of the main reasons why some people continue to cheat on their partners. Since they know that they will just let the cheating slide, they continue doing it.

Worst of all, if a person becomes too blinded by love, their partner might end up gaslighting them all the time.

4. You will lose yourself.

Here’s the reality. Too much availability stems from insecurity. It’s either you want your partner to like you more or you don’t want them to leave you.

As a way to hide that fear of abandonment, you are willing to do everything just to please them. Regardless, you don’t want these things to happen.

The more you make yourself available to your partner, the more you lose yourself in the process.

You may not notice it at the moment, but soon enough, you will forget the idea of yourself and what you actually love doing.

You Don’t Need to Be Too Available

Giving your time and attention to your partner — I understand if this is your goal, since everyone wants their relationship to work and last.

However, don’t love too much that you lose yourself in the process.

Relationships don’t work in a way where someone needs to give their partner the upper hand. It should be a two-way street where you both make an effort to establish the fundamentals of a healthy relationship.